“If you cannot forgive, then forget it;
If, you cannot forget then you deserve it.”
The above quote on forgiveness has puzzled me since I read it as a child. It implies forgiveness is the ultimate. However, if you are unable to forgive or forget (one should have enormous memory loss), then you deserve it.
An offensive, abusive, violent, cruel, mean, hurtful behavior of a mentally-warped, petty, jealous, hard hearted, cruel, vindictive, loathsome persons’ atrocities towards you, if cannot be forgiven or forgotten then you deserve it. Huh!!!
We forgive. We forgive our near and dear ones, our so called well wishers, our colleagues, our so called friends. Forgiveness is divine and we bask in that divinity. We forgive because we are forced to believe that the one who forgives is a stronger person.
In our rush to avoid confrontation, acceptance of abuse or to avoid opening a worm of cans filled with undeniable truths of lifelong abuse, we are quick to forgive.
So, where should we draw the line of forgiveness? When does it become ‘you deserve it’? For some slights, violence, physical, emotional or verbal abuse not only destroys you but, also shapes you into a broken devastated being. And nobody deserves that!
Child abuse, rape, violence, acid attacks, torture, left hungry and beat, violence against your dignity and self respect, are larger plagues of a spiraling society whose value of self power is abuse and not love. Forgiveness has not abated but aggravated the cruelty towards humanity.
‘Only the strong can forgive’ – True.
You need to be godly to write off any abuse.
But, how is our forgiveness viewed by a tormentor?
Is there genuine remorse and repentance for his/her actions?
Has he/she understood the hurt caused and asked forgiveness?
Does he/she make a conscious effort to ensure they do not repeat the hurtful acts?
Is his/her apology just empty words?
Does he/she inwardly smirk thinking of us as weaklings and continues his/her abuses slotting us as losers?
If, your forgiveness is not valued, then move on.
If, you cannot forgive it’s ok. Not all sins are pardonable.
If, you’re carrying the burden of the abuse, the scars of abuse then use your divine power to heal.
Make sure to not carry the guilt of the abuse done towards you. You don’t deserve it.
But, do not forgive what’s unforgivable.